THE LIFE AND DEATH OF PIE THE ARTIST IN POLITE SOCIETY

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Early on, I naturally assumed my own social problems lay directly within my character. I attributed my inability to function to some sort of inherited condition in the family ……a genetic abnormality or something.

Would that it were so simple.

While I do not want to negate my personal deficiencies, it is clear that my problems were greatly exacerbated as soon as I began to identify with artists.

And once I crossed the threshold and began calling myself an artist, the maladjustment noose began to tighten precipitously.

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THE RIMADYL MURDER PLOT PART 2

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In fact, Maggie seized upon one activity or another her whole life in an attempt to overcome her feelings of low self worth.

Nothing had really worked until finally she took up eating and sleeping.

“This is what I was meant to do” Maggie had announced to the world.

“I feel truly alive when I eat, then lay down for a nap.”

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THE RIMADYL MURDER PLOT PART 1

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Perhaps it was a bit of all of these unpleasant traits, or it was something else…….something indefinable that caused him to break. But Dudley had had enough.

Though he tried hard not to show his true feelings, and continued to boyishly bite at her tail on their walks in the park, (a practice he had started when they first met), deep in the recesses of his soul, it was contempt that he felt, contempt as wide as the river he could see from the park.

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SPAM I HAVE KNOWN AND LOVED

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I have what I consider a very strong intuitive sense about such things. And as quickly as the idea occurred to me I was convinced that it was true.

In fact, I had what can best be called a vision of poor Janet shackled to her bed in a dimly lit, damp, Akron Ohio basement, being fed old left- over BLT sandwiches from Denny’s.

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VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

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This is a very hard thing for me to admit, but early in my art career I used performance enhancing drugs.

It was not something I thought I would ever do, but the pressure in the art world was very intense, and the competition was overwhelming. Sadly, I eventually gave in and began to use substances that were banned in art competition.

I want to apologize to all my collectors and supporters over the years.

I know I have let you down.

I especially want to apologize to my mother.

She was unaware of my drug use, and I told her my success was due to the Hostess Cupcakes she had given me after school.

Ed Haddaway

MY HOSPITAL SUMMER

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I hung around the hospital for a week and gradually warmed to having various tubes and wires connected to my body.

I then went home, ate pills, and sought the solace of blood thinner. In what seemed like mere days, I was blessed with a kidney stone, which sent me back to the hospital for another week. I once again became acquainted with the tubes and wires and discovered the unhappy truth of urologists.

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THE RICH MAN WHO COLLECTS ART

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“You have to become more Zen about these things. If you are not in the right space, nothing will happen. You are trying too hard to control the outcome…..just let it all go. Forget about the rich man and concentrate on that which is in your purview. Remember also to constantly give thanks the universe for all that you have been given.”

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EMAILS I HAVE RECEIVED OF LATE

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Thank you for your submission to "How to Cope With Rejection"Seminars. There were close to 1500 applications for the Seminar, approximately 750 of which were from Artists like you. The committee had hundreds of difficult decisions to make, as the quality of the applications was very high. We regret that your application was not accepted for this Seminar at this time.

Because of the need for one on one therapy there can only be space for 300 participants.

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ALLEGORY OF NOTHING

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The other day I happened to look out my bedroom window as a small bird sat perched on the ledge.

The bird was brightly colored, and appeared to be an important bird which had perhaps attended Vassar.

The bird looked at me for a minute then began to flutter its wings. It then started to fly into the open window.

Fearing for the bird’s safety I immediately waved my arms, which frightened the bird away. I then resumed what I was doing (worrying).

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THEORIES OF JUST HAPPENS

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Michael’s shop was a large warehouse on the Jacksboro Highway that was in very bad shape. Entering the dark building it took a while for your eyes adjust. One could slowly make out huge piles of parts, Harleys, and garbage. I also noticed something else. Strewn about were leather jackets with the Hell’s Angels insignia on them. Anyone with common sense would think twice about continuing on. I didn’t think at all.

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THE CONSPIRACY OF NATURAL FORCES

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One central theme in my life had clearly developed by age 5. It continued on through puberty, through my teenage years and twenties and into each preceding decade that I have managed to get through.

Violent movement, and stomach churning sensations play a big part, as do incoherent thought processes, and mental gymnastics.

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